Helping Children Tolerate Hair Brushing

Does brushing your child's hair feel like trying to put a dress on an alligator? Hair care is a very common source of stress for families.

As an autistic person with fibromyalgia, there are days when brushing my hair is just too painful, or I'm too weak to lift my arms. My daughter used to struggle with hair brushing in the morning due to her anxiety. However, she could tolerate it better at night. So, we started doing braided pigtails before bed. In the morning, we would let them out and do a quick finger comb. This way, she looked presentable for school without the morning stress.

For many children, hair brushing can be a sensory nightmare. The sensation can be so overwhelming that they might scream or refuse to let you near their hair. Some children may not be able to sit still long enough to get their hair brushed. Older children may avoid brushing their own hair for a variety of reasons, including lacking the fine motor or sequencing skills.

Here are some strategies that help me and might help you too:

The Quick Bun: On tough days, I brush just the top layer and wrap the rest into a bun. It’s not perfect, but I look put together enough to go to work, so it's functional.

Supportive Partner: My amazing husband steps in to help by brushing my hair when I ask. Don’t hesitate to lean on your support system. Older children may still need support, and sometimes an adult brushing their hair for them can take one thing off their very full plates.

Time for a Trim: If brushing becomes a constant struggle, it might be a sign that it’s time for a haircut. For me, it's impossible to brush my own hair after it gets to a certain length.

Brush Hair When Damp: If I brush my hair when it is 90% dry, the brush goes through with no problems. Any other time, it's like I'm making more tangles as I brush.

Some other strategies include:

Low Maintenance Haircuts: Consider keeping hair short to minimize the need for frequent brushing and reduce sensory overload. Hairstyles with undercuts or layers are also easier to brush.

Braids or Other Protective Hairstyles: Braiding hair can keep it tangle-free and reduce the need for daily brushing.

Leave-In Conditioner: Use leave-in conditioners or detangling sprays to make brushing easier and less painful. Unscented may be necessary for some people with sensitive noses. Other children may prefer strongly scented ones.

Find the Right Brush: Use brushes with soft bristles to reduce discomfort during brushing. Invest in detangling brushes that are designed to glide through hair with minimal pulling. Use wide-tooth combs to gently detangle hair without causing pain. You may have to experiment to find the right brush for your child's hair texture. And it may be different than the one that works for you, or other members of your family.

Sleep Bonnets to Reduce Tangling: Rubbing on pillows while sleeping causes the most mats in hair. Sleep bonnets or silk pillowcases can reduce the mats you have to brush out.

Distraction: Engage your child in a favorite activity during hair brushing to distract them from the discomfort. Use singing or storytelling to keep your child engaged and distracted. Allow your child to watch a favorite video or show during hair brushing to make the process more enjoyable. Let your child sit or bounce gently on a therapy ball while you brush their hair.

Deep Breathing: Practice deep breathing or other calming exercises together before starting the hair brushing routine.

Patience: Take your time and be patient. Rushing can increase stress for both you and your child.

Break it Down: Divide hair into small sections and brush one section at a time. Take frequent breaks if your child becomes overwhelmed.

Gradual Exposure: Start with short, gentle brushing sessions and gradually increase the duration and intensity.

Massage: Incorporate scalp massages before brushing to reduce sensitivity.

Joint Compressions: Use joint compressions as part of a sensory diet to help regulate the sensory system. Proprioceptive input before or during can help the brain tolerate tactile stimulation better.

Visual Supports: Use picture cards to create a step-by-step guide for hair brushing. Or use video modeling to help with sequencing and motor planning difficulties.

Grip Strength: Holding and maneuvering a brush requires significant grip strength and coordination. Thick-handled brushes may help. Activities that build hand strength, like squeezing stress balls or using therapy putty, can be beneficial.

Coordination: Brushing hair involves complex hand movements. Practicing these movements in a fun, low-pressure way, such as through playdough activities or bead threading, can help improve coordination.

Arm and Core Strength: Lifting arms to brush hair can be tiring. Taking breaks and using supportive tools like long-handled brushes can help. Building shoulder strength, core strength, and overhead reaching endurance through exercises and games can help.

Fatigue: Chronic fatigue can make self-care tasks daunting. Breaking the task into smaller steps and resting in between can make it more manageable.

Remember, there’s no shame in struggling with self-care tasks. We all have our challenges, and it’s okay to ask for help. Let's make sure our children know this too.

About Devina: Devina is an autistic occupational therapist with over 17 years of experience working with children, specializing in behavioral regulation and neurodivergence. As both a clinician and a parent, she combines professional expertise with personal experience raising neurodivergent children who previously struggled with behavioral disorders. This unique perspective allows her to bridge the gap between science and real-world application, offering compassionate, evidence-based strategies that empower children to thrive.

Her book, From Surviving to Thriving: The Art and Science of Guiding Children to Develop Behavioral Regulation, provides actionable insights for parents, educators, and professionals looking to support children in building essential self-regulation skills. Available in multiple formats you can find it on Amazon. 

Devina also shares her knowledge through expert-led webinars, where she delivers practical guidance tailored to the needs of caregivers and professionals. Stop by her store to explore her latest resources, workshops, and training sessions designed to help children succeed in their behavioral development journey!