Stop Surviving Days Full of Disruption and Start Thriving with Your Child

Does this sound familiar?

• “I feel helpless and don’t know how to calm them down or keep everyone safe.” (You can find strategies to help with meltdowns here.)
• “Every morning is a battle to get my daughter out the door."
• “All the advice I find is about forcing my child to fit in, not about understanding their world.”
• “School calls me daily about my child’s behavior. I need solutions that work at home and at school.”

Whether you're a parent, teacher, or therapist, you'll find practical behavior treatment tools and compassionate neuroscience-backed strategies.

There are brain informed, connection based strategies to replace chaos with calm, conflict with collaboration, power struggles with partnership, and frustration with flexibility.

Author: Devina King, Occupational Therapist and Certified Autism and ADHD Specialist Last updated: 1/8/2026

Table of contents

• Your child isn't bad. Behavior is a symptom, fix the cause
• Develop the tools and keys to unlock your child’s potential
  • Tools
  • Keys
    • What makes this behavior treatment different? Real change happens when you address both
• Brain based behavior support for real life
• Learn strategies for common (and not-so-common) struggles
• From neurotypical toddler to neurodivergent teen and everything in between
• I lived it. I got it wrong. I learned it. I got it right
  • As a parent
  • As a clinician
  • As an autistic adult
• FAQ

Your child isn't bad. Behavior is a symptom, fix the Cause

Our children are doing the best they can with the skills they have. And so are we.

Regulation, connection, and capacity come first.

Beneath every behavior lies a child’s unmet need and a gap in skills to meet that need in a way adults find acceptable. You can find common unmet needs, underdeveloped skills, and behavior treatment approaches for common behavioral challenges here. 

Takeaway When you understand the unmet needs and underdeveloped skills beneath behavior, you can respond with compassion instead of conflict.

Tools

In behavioral regulation, tools are the concrete strategies you explicitly teach children:

• Deep breaths (You can find my favorite way to teach emotional regulation to kids as young as 1 year old here)
• Taking a break when frustrated
• Asking for help

Takeaway Explicitly teaching simple, concrete strategies gives children the practical skills they need to navigate hard moments.

Keys

In behavioral regulation keys represent the neurological and emotional capacity children need to use those tools:

• Brain networks that regulate stress and sensory input
• Interoception skills that let a child notice rising frustration
• Impulse-control circuits that pause a knee-jerk reaction (You can find some play based ways to build impulse control here).
• Resilience wiring that helps them bounce back from upset

Takeaway Building a child’s internal capacity creates the neurological foundation that makes self‑regulation possible.

What makes this behavior treatment different? Real change happens when you address both

Most behavior management strategies or behavior therapies stop at lecturing kids about the tools they should be using, or punish children for "choosing not to" use the tools, and ignore that the child doesn't have the keys!

When you combine tools + keys, you:

• Explicitly teach children the “how” (tools)
• Build the “can” and “will” (keys) through trauma-informed co-regulation and brain-based exercises

That synergy unlocks the full toolbox giving your child and you both the skills to handle challenges and the thriving neurological foundation to apply them with confidence.

Takeaway Real change happens when you strengthen both the skills and the brain systems that support behavior.

Brain-based behavior support for real life

Learn strategies for common (and not-so-common) struggles

From neurotypical toddler to neurodivergent teen and everything in-between

I lived It. I got it wrong. I learned it. I got it right

I don’t just regurgitate research (although I am a research nerd!) and I never blame the child or their caregivers. In my three roles (as a parent, pediatric OT, and autistic adult), I moved from surface-level, compliance based, behavior fixes to a deep brain based, co-regulation, skills building, and collaboration approach.

This unique blend of lived and professional expertise shapes every strategy I share.

Takeaway Lived experience and clinical expertise together create a compassionate, effective roadmap for helping children thrive.

As a parent

My child’s behavioral disorder once put her on a path to be dead or in jail; learning to meet her neurological needs turned everything around.

Takeaway Meeting your child’s neurological needs can transform even the most overwhelming behavioral challenges.

As a clinician (pediatric occupational therapist)

I replaced compliance chasing with curiosity and capacity building, transforming how therapy actually works.

Takeaway Shifting from compliance to curiosity builds trust, capacity, and meaningful long‑term change.

As an autistic adult

I have had to learn first-hand how to work with the brain I was born in instead of against it.

Takeaway Understanding the brain from the inside out brings empathy, clarity, and practical insight to every strategy I share.

FAQ

What does it mean that behavior is a symptom?

Behavior reflects unmet needs, underdeveloped skills, or a dysregulated nervous system. When you address the cause, the behavior changes.

How do I know if my child’s behavior is a skill gap or defiance?

If a child cannot do it consistently, even with support, it is a skill gap. Most challenging behaviors fall into this category.

What are tools and keys, and why do children need both?

The Tools and Keys framework was created by Devina King to explain how behavioral regulation develops. Tools are the strategies we teach. Keys are the neurological capacities that make those strategies usable. Children need both to succeed.

Why do traditional behavior plans fail my child?

Because they assume the child has the capacity to use the tools. Many children do not yet have the neurological readiness.

What is co-regulation?

Co-regulation is when an adult lends their calm, steady nervous system to help a child regulate. It is the bridge to self-regulation.

Will this approach work for neurodivergent children?

Yes. This framework is designed for autistic children, children with ADHD, PDA, sensory processing differences, trauma histories, anxiety, and more.

How long does it take to see progress?

Many families see fewer power struggles and shorter meltdowns within weeks. Deep neurological change takes longer but is lasting.

Can this help with school behavior challenges?

Yes. When children build capacity and feel safe, behavior improves across environments. These strategies can be shared with school teams.

What if I feel overwhelmed or like I am failing?

You are not failing. You are learning new skills just like your child. This work is about connection, not perfection.

About Devina King, B.A. Psy, MSOTR/L, ASDCS, ADHD-RSP

Devina is an autistic occupational therapist, parenting coach, author, and credentialed autism and ADHD specialist with over 17 years of experience working with children, specializing in behavioral regulation and neurodivergence. As both a clinician and a parent, she combines professional expertise with personal experience parenting neurodivergent children who previously struggled with behavioral disorders. This unique perspective allows her to bridge the gap between science and real-world application, offering compassionate, evidence-based behavior treatment strategies that empower children to thrive.

You can learn more about Devina's credentials, lived experience, and approach here. 

Publications

Devina has written many books. Her book From Surviving to Thriving: The Art and Science of Guiding Children to Develop Behavioral Regulation available on Amazon here, provides actionable insights for parents, educators, and professionals looking to support children in building essential self-regulation skills. Devina is an AOTA approved professional development provider. Reviewers praise her works for her comprehensive, refreshing and practical, compassionate approach that takes complex psychological concepts and evidence based approach and breaks it down into concepts anyone can understand and apply. Devina has been included in publications such as this article in Psychologist Brief available here and this article in Doctors Magazine available here. Stop by her store here to explore her latest resources, workshops, CEUs and parent coaching sessions designed to help children succeed in their behavioral development journey!