Pause, Plan, Play: 10+ Impulse Control Games and Strategies to Reduce Impulsive Behavior in Kids from Toddlers to Teens

If your child acts before thinking, grabs without asking, interrupts constantly, or struggles to manage big emotions, you are not alone. Impulse control is one of the most challenging skills for children to develop, especially for neurodivergent kids whose brains process sensory input, emotions, and transitions differently. The encouraging news is that impulse control is a skill, not a personality trait, and children can strengthen it with practice, co-regulation, and supportive scaffolding.

Impulsive behaviors in children, such as sudden outbursts, risky moves, and split-second decisions, are a normal, if exasperating, part of growing up. But impulse control develops gradually, and with the help of playful games, visual supports, co-regulation, and consistent external scaffolding, children can learn to pause, think, and act with intention.

Author: Devina King, Occupational Therapist and Certified Autism and ADHD Specialist Last updated: 12/31/2025

Why impulse control matters

Impulse control is the ability to pause before acting, think about what is happening, and choose a response rather than reacting automatically. It is a core executive function skill that supports emotional regulation, social success, learning, and problem solving. Children with ADHD, autism, anxiety, or sensory processing differences often struggle more with impulse control because their brains are working harder to manage sensory input, emotions, and transitions.

Impulse control develops slowly and unevenly. Early signs appear in preschool, but the prefrontal cortex continues maturing into the mid twenties. This means children need patient, consistent support rather than punishment or pressure. When caregivers understand that impulsivity is a developmental skill gap rather than defiance, they can respond with compassion and structure instead of frustration.

Takeaway: Impulse control is a developmental skill that grows over time and requires patient, supportive practice.

Impulse control development by age

Children develop impulse control slowly and unevenly. These ranges reflect typical development, but every child grows at their own pace. Neurodivergent children, especially those with ADHD, often need more time and more external scaffolding.

Note: Children with ADHD often have an executive function delay of about 30 percent, so it is helpful to look at their developmental age rather than their chronological age when choosing strategies.

Takeaway: Understanding developmental expectations helps caregivers choose the right supports and avoid expecting skills a child is not yet ready to use independently.

Providing external support while impulse control develops

Children feel more capable and confident when adults offer steady, predictable support while their impulse control systems mature. External support is not a replacement for skill building. It is the foundation that allows children to practice new skills without becoming overwhelmed, frustrated, or ashamed. When adults provide structure, children feel safe enough to try, make mistakes, and try again.

Why scaffolding matters

Children cannot use skills their brain has not yet developed. When adults expect a child to “just stop,” “think first,” or “control yourself,” the child experiences this as pressure they cannot meet. This mismatch often leads to frustration, shame, and dysregulation.

When we expect children to do things their brain is not ready for, they experience the moment as failure. Their nervous system becomes overwhelmed, and impulsive behavior increases. When we scaffold, we reduce stress, increase success, and create repeated opportunities for the brain to practice impulse control in manageable, supported ways

Scaffolding bridges the gap between what a child can do independently and what they are still learning. It protects the child’s nervous system by matching expectations to their developmental stage, not their age, grade level, or what peers can do. With the right support, children experience success instead of overwhelm, which strengthens confidence and builds true skill over time.

What scaffolding looks like in real life

• Holding a child’s hand in the parking lot because walking safely beside you is not yet realistic.
• Giving a child a visual timer for turn taking because “wait your turn” is too abstract. Learn more strategies to help children learn to wait here.
• Offering a script like “Stop, then choose” because “use your words” is too vague and sometimes using words can be hard.
• Staying close during play because the child cannot yet manage sharing without support.
• Breaking a task into steps so the child can complete one part at a time instead of becoming overwhelmed.
• Previewing transitions so the child is not expected to shift suddenly.
• Providing a quiet space nearby so the child can reset before impulsivity escalates.

Takeaway: Scaffolding is a kindness and a science. It gives children the support they need today so they can build the skills they will use tomorrow.

Clear boundaries

Children thrive when they know what to expect. Consistent, easy-to-understand limits help children anticipate what will happen next, which reduces impulsive reactions and creates a sense of safety. Boundaries are not about control. They are about predictability, connection, and helping the child feel anchored.

Why negative commands do not work for young children (why telling children what NOT to do may lead to more impulsive behavior)

Children under five and children with ADHD or other neurodevelopmental differences process language differently. Their brains latch onto the action word in a sentence, not the “don’t.” When an adult says “Don’t run,” the child’s brain primarily hears run. Neurologically, the instruction activates the motor plan for the very behavior the adult is trying to prevent.

This is not defiance. It is how developing brains process language, inhibition, and action planning. Young children and children with ADHD need clear, positive, concrete directions that tell them exactly what to do, not what to avoid.

Reframing statements so the brain can follow them

These reframes reduce cognitive load, support impulse control, and help the child succeed without shame.

Strategies

• Use simple rules such as “Hands stay on your own body” or “Toys stay on the table.”
• Keep rules visual so the child does not have to rely on memory.
• Practice boundaries during calm moments so they feel familiar.
• Offer previews such as “In two minutes we are cleaning up.”
• Use the Circle of Control to help children understand what they can control and what they cannot. This reduces reactive behavior and builds self-awareness.

Example

A child who grabs toys may do better when you say, “Here is your turn card. When the timer beeps, it will be your turn,” and place a visual timer where they can see it.

Gentle reminders

Warm, neutral reminders help children pause before acting without feeling corrected or shamed. These reminders slow the moment down and give the child a chance to choose differently.

Strategies

• Use short scripts such as “Pause,” “Try again,” or “Check your body.”
• Pair reminders with a gesture like a hand on your heart.
• Offer choices such as “Do you want to walk like a giant or walk like a turtle?”
• Use visual cues like a stop sign card or a first‑then board.
• Use specific praise to reinforce the exact skills you want to strengthen, such as waiting, pausing, or using gentle hands.

Example

When a child is about to run inside, you might say, “Pause. Feet are for walking in the hallway. Do you want to walk like a giant or walk like a turtle?”

Modeling self control

Children learn regulation by watching adults regulate themselves. Your calm body becomes the template their nervous system mirrors. When you model self control, you show the child what regulation looks like, sounds like, and feels like.

Strategies

• Narrate your regulation in simple language such as “I am taking a slow breath.”
• Slow your movements and lower your voice.
• Use a calm‑down tool yourself.
• Repair openly when you lose patience.
• Model Stop, Think, Then Act or Breathe, Think, Do during your own moments of frustration so the child sees what the process looks like.

Acting as a buffer

In busy, stimulating environments, children often need an adult to step in early to prevent overwhelm and support turn taking, sharing, or waiting. Acting as a buffer is not overhelping. It is protecting the child’s nervous system from demands they cannot yet manage alone.

Strategies

• Position yourself between children during high‑energy play.
• Narrate the social script such as “Sam is using the swing. You are next.”
• Offer a waiting activity like holding a fidget.
• Reduce demands temporarily when the environment is too stimulating.
• Use visual timers to make waiting concrete and predictable.
• Create a calm‑down corner nearby so the child has a safe place to reset when overwhelmed.

Example

At the playground, you might say, “There are three kids ahead of you for the slide. Let’s stand on this spot together and squeeze the fidget while we wait.”

Takeaway: External support is not a shortcut. It is developmentally appropriate support that protects the child’s nervous system and gives them repeated, successful practice with impulse control.

Visual supports for impulse control

Visuals help children pause, think, and choose differently because they reduce the cognitive load of remembering rules, steps, or expectations. Visuals stay steady when emotions rise, giving the child something concrete to rely on.

Visual supports that work

• Stop sign card
• First‑then board
• Turn‑taking cards
• Waiting visuals
• Emotion thermometer
• Choice board
• Calm‑down menu
• Visual timers

Takeaway: Visual supports turn invisible expectations into something the child can see, understand, and act on.

What not to do when supporting impulse control

Some common approaches can unintentionally increase impulsivity or shame. Avoiding these helps children feel safe, supported, and capable.

• Avoid punishment‑based responses. Punishment does not build skills and often increases stress, which makes impulsivity worse.
• Avoid vague directions. Children need clear, concrete language they can follow.
• Avoid expecting skills the child does not yet have. Mismatched expectations lead to overwhelm, not learning.
• Avoid shaming language. Shame shuts down learning and increases dysregulation.
• Avoid sudden transitions. Abrupt changes make impulse control harder; previewing helps.
• Avoid assuming the child is choosing impulsivity. Impulse control is a developmental skill, not a moral choice.

Takeaway: When adults avoid shame, punishment, and unrealistic expectations, children feel safer and more able to practice impulse control with support.

Building internal impulse control skills

As children grow, they gradually develop the internal skills needed to pause, think, and choose their actions. These skills take years to build and require repeated, supported practice. Each skill strengthens a different part of the impulse control system.

Interoception awareness

Interoception is the ability to notice internal body signals such as a fast heartbeat, tight muscles, or a warm face. When children can recognize these signals, they can respond earlier and more effectively.

• Use body check‑ins such as “What is your body telling you?”
• Teach children to notice clues like butterflies in the stomach or clenched fists.
• Use visuals like an emotion thermometer to make sensations concrete.

Emotional labeling

Children regulate better when they can name what they feel. Labeling emotions reduces intensity and increases clarity.

• Use simple language such as “frustrated,” “excited,” or “worried.”
• Model labeling your own emotions.
• Use picture charts or emotion cards to support understanding.

Pause and choose

Pause and choose teaches children to slow down before acting. This skill requires practice and adult modeling.

Strategies

• Use scripts like “Pause, then choose” or “Stop, think, do.”
• Practice during play so the skill feels familiar during stress.
• Use visual cues such as a stop sign or a pause card.
• Celebrate small successes to reinforce the process.

Flexible thinking

Flexible thinking helps children shift between ideas, adapt to changes, and consider alternatives. When children get stuck, impulsivity increases.

• Use “maybe” and “what if” questions to expand thinking.
• Model flexibility by narrating your own adjustments.
• Use games that require switching roles or rules.

Problem solving

Problem solving helps children slow down, consider options, and choose a plan. This reduces reactive behavior and increases confidence.

• Teach simple steps: “What’s the problem? What are my choices? What will happen next?”
• Practice during calm moments.
• Use visual problem‑solving charts.

Self calming

Self‑calming skills help children regulate their bodies and emotions so they can think clearly. Calm bodies make impulse control easier.

• Teach breathing strategies such as “smell the flower, blow the candle.”
• Use sensory tools like fidgets, weighted items, or movement breaks.
• Model calming strategies yourself.

Games to strengthen impulse control

Play is one of the most effective ways to build impulse control. Games provide natural opportunities to practice waiting, pausing, listening, and following rules.

Why games help

• Games make practice fun and low pressure.
• They strengthen working memory, attention, and inhibition.
• They provide repeated opportunities to pause and choose.
• They build confidence through success.

Ten powerful impulse control games

• Red Light, Green Light

  • Helps strengthen inhibition, listening, and motor control by teaching children to stop and start their bodies on cue.

  • Variations include Yellow Light for slow motion walking, animal movements like hopping or tiptoeing, or using colored cards instead of verbal cues for children who benefit from visual signals.

  • Similar games include Traffic Cop and Color Cues.

• Freeze Dance

  • Builds self regulation and body awareness by helping children shift from high energy to stillness.

  • Variations include freezing in a shape, freezing in an emotion, using a visual stop sign instead of stopping the music, or playing a slow motion version for children who need gentler transitions.

  • Similar games include Musical Statues and Freeze Yoga.

• Simon Says

  • Strengthens working memory, listening accuracy, and inhibition by requiring children to follow only the commands that begin with “Simon says.”

  • Variations include two step commands, emotion based commands, sensory commands like pushing hands together, or reverse Simon Says where children do the opposite.

  • Similar games include Do This Not That and Copy Me.

• Follow the Leader

  • Builds attention, motor planning, and social observation as children match pace, direction, and movement.

  • Variations include slow leader, quiet leader using only gestures, sensory leader with heavy work movements, or switching leaders to build flexible thinking.

  • Similar games include Mirror Game and Shadow Walking.

• Mother May I?

  • Strengthens waiting, asking for permission, planning, and inhibition by requiring children to pause and ask before moving.

  • Variations include changing the character, offering different movement types like giant steps or hops, using visual yes or no cards, or playing a group version where children take turns asking.

  • Similar games include Red Rover with gentle rules and Permission Steps.

• Jenga

  • Builds fine motor control, patience, planning, and slow intentional movement as children carefully remove blocks without tipping the tower.

  • Variations include giant Jenga for big body movement, color coded Jenga with actions assigned to colors, cooperative Jenga where everyone works together, or using slightly weighted blocks for sensory seekers.

  • Similar games include Kerplunk and Operation.

• Beat the Timer

  • Strengthens task initiation, focus, and paced movement by giving children a structured time frame without pressure.

  • Variations include using a sand timer for a calmer cue, working as a team to beat the timer, slow timer challenges where the goal is to move slowly, or using the timer to practice stopping when it beeps.

  • Similar games include Clean Up Race and Timer Treasure Hunt.

• Opposite Game

  • Strengthens inhibition, cognitive flexibility, and working memory by asking children to do the opposite of what they hear.

  • Variations include opposite movements, opposite emotions, opposite directions, or opposite volume such as whispering when you say loud.

  • Similar games include Reverse Simon Says and the Yes No Game.

• Statues

  • Builds body control, balance, and stillness as children freeze and hold a position.

  • Variations include silly statues, emotion statues, yoga statues, or wind statues where children sway gently without falling.

  • Similar games include Freeze Dance and Pose Cards.

• Balloon Keep Up

  • Strengthens graded control, timing, coordination, and sustained attention by encouraging gentle, controlled movement to keep the balloon in the air.

  • Variations include one finger taps, no hands using elbows or knees, team keep up, or color rules such as tapping with the right hand when you call out a color.

  • Similar games include Feather Float and Scarf Toss and Catch.

Takeaway: Games strengthen impulse control by giving children repeated, playful practice with pausing, waiting, and choosing.

FAQ

What is impulse control?

Impulse control is the ability to pause before acting, think about what is happening, and choose a response instead of reacting automatically. It develops gradually throughout childhood and continues into early adulthood as the prefrontal cortex matures.

Why do children struggle with impulse control?

Children struggle with impulse control because the brain regions responsible for inhibition, planning, and decision-making develop slowly. Neurodivergent children, including those with ADHD or sensory processing differences, may need even more time and support as their nervous systems work harder to manage input and transitions.

How can I help my child improve impulse control?

You can support your child by providing scaffolding, using visual supports, modeling self-regulation, offering gentle reminders, and practicing impulse control through games and structured routines. These strategies reduce overwhelm and create repeated opportunities for success.

Do punishments help with impulse control?

Punishments do not build impulse control skills and often increase stress, which makes impulsivity worse. Supportive strategies, co-regulation, predictable routines, and developmentally appropriate expectations are far more effective for strengthening impulse control.

About Devina King, B.A. Psy, MSOTR/L, ASDCS, ADHD-RSP

Devina is an autistic occupational therapist, parenting coach, author, and credentialed autism and ADHD specialist with over 17 years of experience working with children, specializing in behavioral regulation and neurodivergence. As both a clinician and a parent, she combines professional expertise with personal experience parenting neurodivergent children who previously struggled with behavioral disorders. This unique perspective allows her to bridge the gap between science and real-world application, offering compassionate, evidence-based behavior treatment strategies that empower children to thrive.

You can learn more about Devina's credentials, lived experience, and approach here. 

Publications

Devina has written many books. Her book From Surviving to Thriving: The Art and Science of Guiding Children to Develop Behavioral Regulation available on Amazon here, provides actionable insights for parents, educators, and professionals looking to support children in building essential self-regulation skills. Devina is an AOTA approved professional development provider. Reviewers praise her works for her comprehensive, refreshing and practical, compassionate approach that takes complex psychological concepts and evidence based approach and breaks it down into concepts anyone can understand and apply. Devina has been included in publications such as this article in Psychologist Brief available here and this article in Doctors Magazine available here. Stop by her store here to explore her latest resources, workshops, CEUs and parent coaching sessions designed to help children succeed in their behavioral development journey!