From "Aggression" to "Work Avoidance" this alphabetized reference list is a practical starting point for understanding which unmet needs, underdeveloped skills, and targeted approaches intersect to shape specific behaviors. For a deeper framework that explains why these strategies work and how to assess and teach behavioral regulation step-by-step, see From Surviving to Thriving: The Art and Science of Guiding Children to Develop Behavioral Regulation available on Amazon here and the accompanying course Understanding and Assessing Behavioral Regulation in Children available here because effective behavior treatment starts with effective behavior assessment to determine causes of behavioral challenges. The following list of specific strategies for specific behaviors is reprinted with permission from From Surviving to Thriving: The Art and Science of Guiding Children to Develop Behavioral Regulation. © King, 2024.

Author: Devina King, Occupational Therapist and Certified Autism and ADHD Specialist. Last updated: 11/29/2025

Table of contents

• Aggression (biting/hitting/throwing, etc.) 
• Anxiety 
• Attention-seeking behaviors (connection-seeking) 
• Bedtime refusal
• Bullying
• Brushing teeth difficulties 
• Bathing refusal
• Cheating
• Cyberbullying
• Defiance 
• Depression 
• Disrespectful behavior
• Dressing difficulties
• Eating disorders
• Eating difficulties 
• Eloping/running away 
• Food-related problems 
• Hygiene difficulties
• Inappropriate language 
• Interrupting 
• Lying 
• Peer pressure 
• Perseveration/rumination/getting stuck on one idea 
• School refusal/skipping 
• Screen time excess 
• Self-esteem issues
• Self-harm 
• Separation anxiety 
• Sexual harassment
• Sharing difficulties 
• Social media addiction 
• Stealing 
• Substance abuse
• Tantrums 
• Toileting refusal 
• Vandalism 
• Whining 
• Work avoidance 

Aggression (biting/hitting/throwing, etc.) behavior treatment

• Children may be aggressive to express disliking something, escape distressing situations, seek connection, defend themselves or others, or cope with stress or anxiety or as sensory-seeking or avoiding behaviors.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or problem-solve.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent boundaries while also modeling calm and respectful behavior. For sensory seeking behaviors, provide appropriate replacement behaviors such as hitting a pillow, biting a chewy necklace, or throwing toys into a basket. Avoid using physical punishment or aggression, which can escalate the situation.
• Ensure safety for everyone involved with aggressive behaviors.
• Create a safe environment: Create a safe and supportive environment that encourages children to express their feelings and needs without resorting to aggression. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their aggressive behaviors, which can create anxiety and resentment.
• Set clear expectations: Set clear and consistent expectations around behavior while also modeling healthy coping skills and communication.
• Provide choices: Offer children age-appropriate choices whenever possible, allowing them to feel a sense of autonomy and control over their environment.
• Teach emotional regulation: Teach children to identify and regulate their emotions in healthy ways, such as deep breathing or mindfulness techniques.
• Use positive reinforcement: Use positive reinforcement, such as praise or rewards, to encourage children to engage in healthy behaviors.
• Model healthy behaviors: Model healthy behaviors and coping skills, such as effective communication and emotional regulation.
• Gentle blocking: Use gentle blocking to prevent physical aggression, such as placing your hand between the child and the target of their aggression.
• Move to a safe environment: Move the child to a safe environment if they are becoming aggressive, such as a quiet room or a space with fewer people.
• Tell other children to go to another room: If other children are present, tell them to go to another room to ensure their safety.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach problem-solving skills, such as brainstorming and decision-making, and provide opportunities for children to practice nonviolent conflict resolution. 
• You can learn more strategies for responding to tantrums or meltdowns here.

Anxiety behavior treatment

• Children may experience anxiety due to genetic factors, environmental stressors, or traumatic experiences.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or practice self-care.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a safe and supportive environment while also modeling healthy habits and coping skills. Avoid shaming or blaming children for their anxiety, which can create feelings of guilt and hopelessness.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children self-care and self-compassion and provide opportunities for them to practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and visualization.
• Speak with your child's medical team and mental health providers.

Attention-seeking behaviors (connection-seeking) behavior treatment

• Children may engage in attention-seeking behaviors due to a lack of connection, anxiety, or difficulty with communication.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or understand social norms.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a supportive and non-judgmental environment while also modeling healthy communication and coping skills. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their attention-seeking behaviors, which can create anxiety and resentment.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop communication skills to manage their emotions. Teach children the importance of positive social interactions and provide opportunities for them to practice healthy communication and coping skills.

Bedtime refusal behavior treatment

• Children may refuse to go to bed due to fear of missing out, separation anxiety, or lack of routine.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, communicate effectively, or understand the importance of sleep.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a consistent bedtime routine while also modeling calm and respectful behavior. Avoid using threats or punishments, which can create anxiety and resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to wind down before bed and provide a comfortable and safe sleeping environment. Teach children the importance of sleep and help them develop self-regulation skills, such as mindfulness and deep breathing.

• If you’re an occupational therapist supporting neurodivergent children who struggle with state transitions to sleep check out my AOTA approved sleep CEU.

  You can learn how to use technology to help with state transitions (between wakefulness and sleep and sleep and wakefulness) here how to help sensory seekers transition to being ready to rest here and more strategies to help prevent or respond to bedtime meltdowns here.

  A Free Tool to Help

  To make this easier, I created a Bedtime Support Plan For Sensory Seeking Children. It’s a printable guide that helps you choose activities that match your child’s current state and gently support them toward rest.

  It’s flexible, regulation-first, and emotionally literate. You can use it to build a bedtime routine that actually works for your child’s body and brain.

  Download the Bedtime Support Plan For Sensory Seeking Children.

  Want More Support?

  If you’re ready to go deeper, I’ve created a low-cost digital companion called the Regulation-First Bedtime Toolkit.

  The Regulation-First Bedtime Toolkit helps caregivers calm chaos, connect with their child, and build a sensory-smart nighttime routine that actually works. Developed by a pediatric occupational therapist with real-world experience. It’s only $9 and includes:

  • Customizable visual bedtime sensory schedule.
  • Caregiver cheat sheet for dysregulation.
  • Emotionally literate co-regulation scripts.
  • Guides for common bedtime challenges: helping children sleep in their own beds, helping babies and toddlers sleep, bedtime sensory diets, sleep apnea, bedtime anxiety and eloping, night waking, meltdowns, bedwetting, and more.

  Get the Toolkit here.

Bullying behavior treatment

• Children may bully others due to a desire for power, attention, or social status.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to empathize with others, communicate effectively, or regulate their emotions.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent boundaries around bullying while also modeling empathy and respect. Avoid blaming or shaming children for their behavior, which can create defensiveness and resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop empathy and perspective-taking skills. Teach children effective communication skills, such as active listening and assertiveness, and provide opportunities for them to practice positive social interactions.

Brushing teeth difficulties behavior treatment

• Children may refuse to brush their teeth due to sensory issues, fear of toothpaste, or lack of routine.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, communicate effectively, or understand the importance of dental hygiene.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a consistent routine around brushing teeth while also allowing children to make choices and have some control over their lives. Find ways to honor their sensory needs such as a different type of toothbrush or toothpaste. Avoid power struggles and punishments, which can escalate resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children the importance of dental hygiene and provide opportunities for them to practice making choices.

Bathing refusal behavior treatment

• Children may refuse to take a bath due to sensory issues, fear of water, or lack of routine.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, communicate effectively, or understand the importance of hygiene.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a consistent routine around taking a bath while also allowing children to make choices and have some control over their lives. Avoid power struggles and punishments, which can escalate resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children the importance of hygiene and provide opportunities for them to practice making choices.

Cheating behavior treatment

• Children may cheat due to pressure to succeed, fear of failure, or lack of confidence.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or understand the importance of honesty.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent expectations and boundaries around cheating while also modeling honesty and integrity. Avoid shaming or punishing children for cheating, which can create defensiveness and resentment.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children the importance of honesty and integrity and provide opportunities for them to practice problem-solving and decision-making.

Cyberbullying behavior treatment

• Children may engage in cyberbullying due to a desire for power, attention, or social status.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to empathize with others, communicate effectively, or regulate their emotions.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent boundaries around cyberbullying while also modeling empathy and respect. Avoid blaming or shaming children for their behavior, which can create defensiveness and resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop empathy and perspective-taking skills. Teach children effective communication skills, such as active listening and assertiveness, and provide opportunities for them to practice positive social interactions.

Defiance behavior treatment

• Children may be defiant to assert their independence, test boundaries, or gain attention.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or problem-solve.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent boundaries while also allowing children to make choices and have some control over their lives. Avoid power struggles and punishments, which can escalate defiance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach problem-solving skills, such as brainstorming and decision-making, and provide opportunities for children to practice making choices.

Depression behavior treatment

• Children may experience depression due to genetic factors, environmental stressors, or traumatic experiences.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or practice self-care.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a safe and supportive environment while also modeling healthy habits and coping skills. Avoid shaming or blaming children for their depression, which can create feelings of guilt and hopelessness.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children self-care and self-compassion and provide opportunities for them to practice positive self-talk.
• Speak with your child's medical team and mental health providers. 

Disrespectful behavior behavior treatment

• Children may be disrespectful to assert their independence, test boundaries, or gain attention.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or empathize with others.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent boundaries while also modeling respect and empathy. Avoid shaming or punishing children for disrespectful behavior, which can escalate the situation.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach communication skills, such as active listening and assertiveness, and provide opportunities for children to practice respectful behavior.

Dressing difficulties behavior treatment

• Children may refuse to get dressed due to sensory issues, lack of control, lack of motor planning, wanting connection, or lack of routine.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, communicate effectively, or understand the importance of hygiene.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a consistent routine around getting dressed while also allowing children to make choices and have some control over their lives. Avoid power struggles and punishments, which can escalate resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children the importance of hygiene and provide opportunities for them to practice making choices.

Eating disorders behavior treatment

• Children may develop eating disorders due to genetic factors, environmental stressors, or traumatic experiences.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or make healthy choices.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a positive and supportive environment while also modeling healthy habits and coping skills. Avoid shaming or blaming children for their eating disorders, which can create feelings of guilt and shame.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children healthy habits, such as mindful eating and listening to their bodies, and provide opportunities for them to practice making healthy choices.
• The National Eating Disorders Association has a good guide for caregivers available here.
• Speak with your child's medical team and mental health providers.  

Eating difficulties behavior treatment

• Children may refuse to eat due to sensory issues, medical conditions, or emotional needs.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, communicate effectively, or make healthy choices.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a positive and relaxed mealtime environment while also setting clear expectations and boundaries around food. Avoid using food as a reward or punishment, which can create an unhealthy relationship with eating.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to try new foods and involve them in meal planning and preparation. Teach children self-regulation skills, such as mindful eating and listening to their bodies, and help them develop healthy habits around food.
• You can learn about the division of responsibility approach here.
• Speak with your child's medical team and mental health providers.  

Eloping/running away behavior treatment

• Children may elope due to anxiety, sensory issues, or difficulty with transitions.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or understand the importance of safety.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a consistent routine around transitions while also modeling healthy coping skills and communication. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their struggles, which can create anxiety and resentment.
• Ensure safety for children who elope.
• Plan: Create an emergency plan to respond to elopement and keep information about the child up-to-date (picture, description).
• Secure your home: Install fences and door locks to prevent elopement.
• Keep identification on the child: Consider using an ID bracelet or information card to help identify the child if they elope.
• Prevent: Be alert for signs that the child may elope before it happens, and provide a safe location for the child.
• Teach safety skills: Teach the child to respond to safety commands, state their name and phone number, and practice crossing the street safely.
• Use child safety leashes: Consider using a backpack leash or wristband leash to keep the child close in public places.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop communication skills to manage their emotions. Teach children the importance of safety and provide opportunities for them to practice making healthy choices.
• You can get a free Big Red Safety Box from The National Autism Association here.
• The Regulation First Bedtime Toolkit includes support for bedtime eloping behaviors and can be found here.
• Supporting Pediatric Sleep for Behavioral Regulation has in depth bedtime eloping behaviors support and can be found here.

Food-related problems behavior treatment

• Children may have sensory issues, medical conditions, or emotional needs that affect their eating habits.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, communicate effectively, or make healthy choices.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a positive and relaxed mealtime environment while also setting clear expectations and boundaries around food. Avoid using food as a reward or punishment, which can create an unhealthy relationship with eating.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to try new foods and involve them in meal planning and preparation. Teach children self-regulation skills, such as mindful eating and listening to their bodies, and help them develop healthy habits around food.
• Speak with your child's medical team and mental health providers.  

Hygiene difficulties behavior treatment

• Children may struggle with poor hygiene due to a lack of understanding about hygiene practices, sensory issues, or difficulty with transitions.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or understand the importance of hygiene.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a consistent routine around hygiene practices while also modeling healthy habits and coping skills. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their hygiene, which can create feelings of guilt and shame.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop healthy habits around hygiene. Teach children the importance of hygiene and provide opportunities for them to practice making healthy choices.
• You can learn specific strategies for helping children tolerate hair brushing here.

Inappropriate language behavior treatment

• Children may use inappropriate language due to a lack of understanding of social norms, exposure to inappropriate language, or difficulty with communication.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or understand the consequences of their actions.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent boundaries around language while also modeling respectful and appropriate language. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their language, which can create defensiveness and resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop communication skills to express themselves appropriately. Teach children the importance of respectful language and provide opportunities for them to practice positive social interactions. 
• You can find more in-depth strategies on responding to swearing here.

Interrupting behavior treatment

• Children may interrupt to gain attention, express excitement, or seek information.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their impulses, communicate effectively, or understand social norms.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent expectations and boundaries around interrupting while also modeling respectful communication. Avoid punishing or shaming children for interrupting, which can create anxiety and resentment.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Teach children to wait their turn and provide opportunities for them to practice taking turns. Encourage children to express themselves clearly and respectfully and help them develop empathy and perspective-taking skills.

Lying behavior treatment

• Children may lie to avoid punishment, gain attention, or protect themselves or others.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to communicate effectively, understand the consequences of their actions, or empathize with others.
• Gentle parenting approach: Encourage honesty by creating a safe and non-judgmental environment where children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. Avoid shaming or punishing children for lying, as this can lead to further dishonesty.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Model honesty and integrity, praise children for telling the truth, and help them understand the importance of honesty. Teach children effective communication skills, such as active listening and assertiveness, and encourage them to express themselves honestly and respectfully.

Peer pressure behavior treatment

• Children may experience peer pressure due to a desire for social acceptance, fear of rejection, or lack of self-confidence.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, communicate effectively, or assert themselves.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a supportive and non-judgmental environment while also modeling assertiveness and self-confidence. Avoid criticizing or shaming children for their choices, which can create defensiveness and resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop assertiveness and self-confidence. Teach children effective communication skills, such as active listening and respectful disagreement, and provide opportunities for them to practice making choices.

Perseveration/rumination/getting stuck on one idea behavior treatment

• Children may perseverate due to anxiety, sensory issues, or difficulty with transitions.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or understand the importance of transitions.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a consistent routine around transitions while also modeling healthy coping skills and communication. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their struggles, which can create anxiety and resentment.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop communication skills to manage their emotions. Teach children the importance of transitions and provide opportunities for them to practice making healthy choices.

School refusal/skipping behavior treatment

• Children may skip school due to anxiety, depression, bullying, or lack of engagement.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or engage in school activities.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a supportive and non-judgmental environment while also modeling healthy habits and coping skills. Avoid punishing or shaming children for skipping school, which can create anxiety and resentment. Work with school team to solve for underlying problems such as learning disabilities or bullying.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children effective communication skills, such as active listening and assertiveness, and provide opportunities for them to engage in school activities.

Screen time excess behavior treatment

• Children may use screens to cope with stress, boredom, or anxiety or to seek stimulation or social connection.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, manage their time effectively, or engage in other activities.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set limits on screen time while also providing alternatives and opportunities for other activities. Avoid using screens as a reward or punishment, which can create an unhealthy relationship with technology.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to engage in other activities, such as reading, playing outside, or spending time with friends and family. Teach children self-regulation skills, such as mindfulness and deep breathing, and help them develop healthy habits around technology use.

Self-esteem issues behavior treatment

• Children may have self-esteem issues due to negative self-talk, lack of validation, or unrealistic expectations.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or practice self-care.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a positive and supportive environment while also modeling self-care and self-compassion. Avoid criticizing or comparing children, which can damage their self-esteem.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children self-care and self-compassion and provide opportunities for them to practice positive self-talk.

Self-harm behavior treatment

• Children may engage in self-harm due to emotional pain, trauma, or a desire to cope with stress or anxiety.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or practice self-care.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a safe and supportive environment while also modeling healthy habits and coping skills. Avoid shaming or blaming children for their self-harm, which can create feelings of guilt and shame.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children self-care and self-compassion and provide opportunities for them to practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and visualization.
• You can read the Merck Manual guidance on non-suicidal self injury behaviors here.
• The Autism Research Institute has a good video on self-injurious behaviors in autism you can find here.
• You can find research that supports giving alternative sensory activities to reduce self-injury behaviors here.
• Speak with your child's medical team and mental health providers.  

Separation anxiety behavior treatment

• Children may experience separation anxiety due to fear of abandonment, lack of security, or lack of routine.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, communicate effectively, or understand the concept of time.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a consistent routine around separation while also modeling calm and reassuring behavior. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their anxiety, which can escalate the situation.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children the concept of time and provide opportunities for them to practice separation in a safe and supportive environment.

Sexual harassment behavior treatment

• Children may engage in sexual harassment due to a desire for power, attention, or social status.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to empathize with others, communicate effectively, or understand social norms.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent boundaries around sexual harassment while also modeling respect and empathy. Avoid blaming or shaming children for their behavior, which can create defensiveness and resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop empathy and perspective-taking skills. Teach children effective communication skills, such as active listening and assertiveness, and provide opportunities for them to practice positive social interactions.
• Speak with your child's medical team and mental health providers.  

Sharing difficulties behavior treatment

• Children may not want to share due to possessiveness, fear of losing their belongings, or lack of trust in others.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to empathize with others, communicate effectively, or problem-solve.
• Gentle parenting approach: Respect children’s possessions and boundaries while also modeling sharing and generosity. Avoid forcing children to share, which can create resentment and mistrust.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop empathy and perspective-taking skills. Teach problem-solving skills, such as brainstorming and decision-making, and provide opportunities for children to practice sharing and taking turns.

Social media addiction behavior treatment

• Children may become addicted to social media due to a desire for social connection, validation, or stimulation.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, manage their time effectively, or engage in other activities.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set limits on social media use while also providing alternatives and opportunities for other activities. Avoid using social media as a reward or punishment, which can create an unhealthy relationship with technology.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to engage in other activities, such as reading, playing outside, or spending time with friends and family. Teach children self-regulation skills, such as mindfulness and deep breathing, and help them develop healthy habits around technology use.
• Speak with your child's medical team and mental health providers.  

Stealing behavior treatment

• Children may steal due to a desire for attention, social status, or material possessions.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to empathize with others, communicate effectively, or understand the consequences of their actions.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent boundaries around stealing while also modeling empathy and respect. Avoid shaming or punishing children for stealing, which can create defensiveness and resentment.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop empathy and perspective-taking skills. Teach children effective communication skills, such as active listening and assertiveness, and provide opportunities for them to practice positive social interactions.

Substance abuse behavior treatment

• Children may turn to substance abuse to cope with stress, anxiety, or trauma or to seek social acceptance or experimentation.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, or make healthy choices.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a safe and supportive environment while also modeling healthy habits and coping skills. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their substance abuse, which can create secrecy and mistrust.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children healthy habits, such as exercise and mindfulness, and provide opportunities for them to practice making healthy choices.
• Speak with your child's medical team and mental health providers.  

Tantrums behavior treatment

• Children may have difficulty regulating their emotions, communicating effectively, or coping with stress or frustration.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to express themselves verbally, understand the consequences of their actions, or problem-solve.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a safe and predictable environment while also modeling calm and respectful behavior. Avoid punishing or shaming children for tantrums, which can escalate the situation.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach problem-solving skills, such as brainstorming and decision-making, and provide opportunities for children to practice self-regulation.
• You can learn more strategies for responding to tantrums or meltdowns here. 

Toileting refusal behavior treatment

• Children may refuse to use the potty due to fear of the toilet, sensory issues, lack of control, or lack of routine.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to self-regulate, communicate effectively, or understand the importance of hygiene.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a consistent routine around using the potty while also allowing children to make choices and have some control over their lives. Avoid power struggles and punishments, which can escalate resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach children the importance of hygiene and provide opportunities for them to practice making choices.
• You can find some strategies and ways to help with/rule out medical causes of stool witholding here from the Children's Bowel and Bladder Charity and some sensory strategies for poop witholding here from the STAR Institute.  

Vandalism behavior treatment

• Children may engage in vandalism due to a desire for attention, social status, or boredom.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to empathize with others, communicate effectively, or understand the consequences of their actions.
• Gentle parenting approach: Set clear and consistent boundaries around vandalism while also modeling empathy and respect. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their behavior, which can create defensiveness and resistance.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop empathy and perspective-taking skills. Teach children the importance of respecting property and provide opportunities for them to practice positive social interactions.

Whining behavior treatment

• Children may whine to gain attention, express frustration, or seek comfort.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to communicate effectively, regulate their emotions, or empathize with others.
• Gentle parenting approach: Acknowledge and validate children’s feelings while also setting clear expectations and boundaries around whining. Avoid giving in to whining, which can reinforce the behavior.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express themselves clearly and respectfully and help them develop coping skills to manage their emotions. Teach empathy and perspective-taking, and provide opportunities for children to practice positive communication.

Work avoidance behavior treatment

• Children may avoid work due to anxiety, lack of motivation, or difficulty with executive functioning.
• Underdeveloped skills: Children may lack the ability to regulate their emotions, manage their time effectively, or plan and organize their tasks.
• Gentle parenting approach: Create a supportive and non-judgmental environment while also modeling healthy coping skills and executive functioning. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their struggles, which can create anxiety and resentment.
• Encourage children to do work when they have work avoidance.
• Create a positive environment: Create a positive and supportive environment that encourages children to engage in work. Avoid shaming or punishing children for their work avoidance, which can create anxiety and resentment.
• Set clear expectations: Set clear and consistent expectations around work while also modeling healthy work habits and coping skills.
• Provide choices: Offer children age-appropriate choices whenever possible, allowing them to feel a sense of autonomy and control over their environment.
• Break down tasks: Break down tasks into smaller, more manageable steps and provide positive reinforcement for each step completed.
• Use positive reinforcement: Use positive reinforcement, such as praise or rewards, to encourage children to engage in work.
• Start with fun or easy tasks: Start with tasks that are fun or easy to complete, and gradually increase the difficulty level.
• Use behavioral momentum: Start with a task that the child is likely to complete successfully, and then move on to more challenging tasks.
• Say “yes” first: Acknowledge the child’s feelings and needs before setting expectations around work. Use the “Yes…First…” technique to get past resistance, e.g., “Yes park, first homework.”
• My way…your way…: Offer the child a choice between two options, both of which are acceptable to you. Can also take turns between “My way” and “Your way” or “My choice” and “Your choice” for what is being done together at the time.
• Modify tasks to be more appealing: Modify tasks to make them more appealing to the child, such as adding a fun element or incorporating their interests.
• Use the Pomodoro technique: Use a timer to break work into manageable chunks, with breaks in between.
• Intervention/skill-building strategies: Encourage children to express their feelings and needs and help them develop executive functioning skills to manage their emotions. Teach children the importance of self-care and provide opportunities for them to practice executive functioning.

About Devina King, B.A. Psy, MSOTR/L, ASDCS, ADHD-RSP

Devina is an autistic occupational therapist, parenting coach, author, and credentialed autism and ADHD specialist with over 17 years of experience working with children, specializing in behavioral regulation and neurodivergence. As both a clinician and a parent, she combines professional expertise with personal experience parenting neurodivergent children who previously struggled with behavioral disorders. This unique perspective allows her to bridge the gap between science and real-world application, offering compassionate, evidence-based behavior treatment strategies that empower children to thrive.

You can learn more about Devina's credentials, lived experience, and approach here. 

Publications

Devina has written many books. Her book From Surviving to Thriving: The Art and Science of Guiding Children to Develop Behavioral Regulation available on Amazon here, provides actionable insights for parents, educators, and professionals looking to support children in building essential self-regulation skills. Devina is an AOTA approved professional development provider. Reviewers praise her works for her comprehensive, refreshing and practical, compassionate approach that takes complex psychological concepts and evidence based approach and breaks it down into concepts anyone can understand and apply. Devina has been included in publications such as this article in Psychologist Brief available here and this article in Doctors Magazine available here. Stop by her store here to explore her latest resources, workshops, CEUs and parent coaching sessions designed to help children succeed in their behavioral development journey!