Why Bedtime Is So Hard-and How To Make Bedtime Easier

Does your child get fighting mad when it is time to go to bed? If so, you're not alone. Most parents want to know how to make bedtime easier!

For many kids, the shift from play to sleep isn’t just a relaxing bedtime routine or as simple as deciding it is time to sleep. It’s a full-body transition that is jarring and fought with tears, meltdowns, and stalling while they continue to run circles around you because you're too tired to chase them! When their nervous system is still in high gear, asking them to settle down can feel like asking a car going 80 miles per hour to stop instantly.

In my job as pediatric occupational therapist a common question I get is how to calm a sensory seeker at bedtime. We often think of bedtime as the time to quiet everything. But for kids with a lot of energy, ADHD, autistic kids, sensory differences, or trauma histories, quiet doesn’t come first. It comes last.

Author: Devina King, Occupational Therapist and Certified Autism and ADHD Specialist. Last updated: 11/29/2025

Table of contents

• The missing step: arousal transitions

• A free tool to help

• Want more support

• FAQ

The Missing Step: Arousal Transitions

Most bedtime routines skip straight to low arousal: dim lights, calming music, soft voices, quiet time. But if a child’s body is still buzzing with energy or anxiety, that leap is too far.

Instead, we need to guide them through three stages:

• High arousal: Movement, intensity, play
• Medium arousal: Rhythm, deep pressure, predictable patterns
• Low arousal: Emotional closeness, quiet rituals, safety cues. The ABCs of Feelings: Sensory Solutions for Every Feeling available on Amazon here makes a great bedtime story, it has a calming rhythm and teaches children sensory regulation tools at the same time. 

This isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing what works. When we meet a child’s nervous system where it is, we stop fighting it. Bedtime becomes less about control and more about connection.

You can learn how to use technology (including calming music for sleep) to help with state transitions (between wakefulness and sleep and sleep and wakefulness) here and more strategies to help prevent or respond to bedtime meltdowns here.

A free tool to help

To make this easier, I created a Bedtime Support Plan For Sensory Seeking Children. It’s a printable guide that helps you choose activities that match your child’s current state and gently support them toward rest.

It’s flexible, regulation-first, and emotionally literate. You can use it to build a bedtime routine that actually works for your child’s body and brain.

Download the Bedtime Support Plan For Sensory Seeking Children.

If you’re an occupational therapist supporting neurodivergent children who struggle with state transitions to sleep check out my AOTA approved sleep CEU.

Want more support?

If you’re ready to go deeper, I’ve created a low-cost digital companion called the Regulation-First Bedtime Toolkit. It’s just $9 and includes:

• A customizable sensory diet bedtime routine visual schedule with calming sensory activities before bed using a gradual transition from high energy, medium energy, to calming (high arousal to low arousal).
• A caregiver cheat sheet for bedtime dysregulation
• Emotionally literate scripts for co-regulation
• Guides for common bedtime problems such as helping babies and toddlers sleep, helping children sleep in their own beds, bedtime sensory diets, nighttime anxiety, eloping, night waking, bedtime meltdowns, bedwetting, and more. 

Get the Toolkit here.

You’re not doing bedtime wrong. You’re navigating a nervous system that needs support, not shame. And you’re doing it with love, even when it’s hard.

FAQ

Why does my child fight bedtime so intensely?

For many children, bedtime is not just a routine but a full body transition. Their nervous system may still be in high gear, making it feel impossible to stop instantly. Recognizing this helps shift the focus from control to connection.

What are arousal transitions and why do they matter?

Most routines skip straight to low arousal activities like dim lights and quiet voices. For sensory seekers, this leap is too far. Guiding them through high arousal (movement and play), medium arousal (rhythm and deep pressure), and finally low arousal (quiet rituals and closeness) makes bedtime smoother.

How can I calm a sensory seeker at bedtime?

Meet your child’s nervous system where it is. Start with movement or intensity, then shift to predictable patterns like deep pressure or rhythm, and end with quiet rituals. This gradual transition supports regulation and reduces meltdowns.

What free tools are available to help?

You can download the Bedtime Support Plan for Sensory Seeking Children. It is a printable guide that helps you choose activities that match your child’s current state and gently support them toward rest.

What professional resources exist for therapists?

Occupational therapists supporting neurodivergent children can access an AOTA approved sleep CEU. It provides strategies for state transitions and bedtime regulation.

What is included in the Regulation First Bedtime Toolkit?

The toolkit includes a customizable sensory diet bedtime routine visual schedule, a caregiver cheat sheet for dysregulation, emotionally literate scripts for co regulation, and guides for common bedtime problems such as nighttime anxiety, eloping, night waking, bedwetting, and meltdowns.

Am I doing bedtime wrong if my child struggles?

No. You are navigating a nervous system that needs support, not shame. Bedtime challenges are not a reflection of failure but an opportunity to build connection and regulation.

About Devina King, B.A. Psy, MSOTR/L, ASDCS, ADHD-RSP

Devina is an autistic occupational therapist, parenting coach, author, and credentialed autism and ADHD specialist with over 17 years of experience working with children, specializing in behavioral regulation and neurodivergence. As both a clinician and a parent, she combines professional expertise with personal experience parenting neurodivergent children who previously struggled with behavioral disorders. This unique perspective allows her to bridge the gap between science and real-world application, offering compassionate, evidence-based behavior treatment strategies that empower children to thrive.

You can learn more about Devina's credentials, lived experience, and approach here. 

Publications

Devina has written many books. Her book From Surviving to Thriving: The Art and Science of Guiding Children to Develop Behavioral Regulation available on Amazon here, provides actionable insights for parents, educators, and professionals looking to support children in building essential self-regulation skills. Devina is an AOTA approved professional development provider. Reviewers praise her works for her comprehensive, refreshing and practical, compassionate approach that takes complex psychological concepts and evidence based approach and breaks it down into concepts anyone can understand and apply. Devina has been included in publications such as this article in Psychologist Brief available here and this article in Doctors Magazine available here. Stop by her store here to explore her latest resources, workshops, CEUs and parent coaching sessions designed to help children succeed in their behavioral development journey!