Could you run a marathon today? I certainly can’t! For most of us, the answer is a resounding “no.” Running a marathon requires training, patience, and persistence. Interestingly, waiting shares many of these same principles. Just as running a marathon is a skill that must be developed over time, so too is the ability to wait.

Training for Waiting

Waiting is not a natural-born skill. Everyone, regardless of age or temperament, has to learn and practice how to wait. The more we practice, the more automatic it becomes. Some children come to waiting more naturally than others. However, conditions such as ADHD can make waiting particularly difficult. Think of it like someone with asthma, they can learn to run a marathon, but it’s a little more tricky. With proper management and strategies, children can learn to wait effectively.

Understanding Why Waiting is Hard

For young children or those with language difficulties, waiting can be especially challenging. They may not understand what the word means—it’s an abstract concept. They may also struggle with understanding the passage of time. Additionally, sensory difficulties, the need to move, and not knowing what to do while waiting can make the experience even more difficult. (You can find strategies for making community outings and special events easier for kids with sensory processing differences here). It’s important to remember that even adults don’t sit idly for long periods. We find ways to entertain ourselves—reading, scrolling through our phones, or engaging in hobbies. We can't expect children to have better attention spans than adults, and for young children, 5 minutes can feel like half an hour.

Strategies to Teach Waiting

Here are some effective strategies to help children understand and practice waiting:

1. Pairing "Yes... First..." with Waiting: This strategy helps children understand that waiting means “yes soon,” not “no never.” For example, say, “Yes, you can have oatmeal. First, we wait for it to cook.” This approach reassures children that their desires will be met, but they need to wait for a short period.
2. Play "Wait, Get It": This game is a fantastic way to practice waiting in a fun and engaging way for very young children or children with receptive language difficulties.
• How to Play: Start with something your child likes, such as a toy. Place the item in front of them and say "wait." Gently block the item with your hand if they try to get it. After a few seconds, say "get it" and let them grab it. Start with a short wait time (around 3 seconds) and gradually increase the waiting period as your child gets better at it. This teaches them to associate waiting with a positive outcome. Make sure this is playful and connecting. Practice waiting turns while playing a simple game like "Don't Break The Ice". Young children or gestalt processors can also benefit from visual and auditory supports such as signing "wait" repeatedly and singing "waiting, waiting, we are waiting". 
3. Train Impulse Control:
• Statue Game: In this game, children must freeze like statues. Start with short periods and gradually increase the time they need to stay still.
• Red Light, Green Light: Use “Wait” and “Go ahead” instead of traditional red and green lights to reinforce the concept.
• Simon Says: This classic game helps children practice listening and waiting for the correct command before acting.
• Musical Chairs: This game teaches children to pause and wait for the music to stop before finding a chair to sit in.
• Duck, Duck, Goose: This game involves waiting for their turn to be “goose,” helping build patience and impulse control.
• Freeze Dance: Play music and let the children dance. When the music stops, they must freeze until it starts again.
4. Explicitly Teach What to Do While Waiting:
• Social Stories, Songs, and Videos: Use these tools to tell children what to expect.
• Books and Activities: Resources like “Amelia's Boredom Survival Guide: First Aid for Rainy Days, Boring Errands, Waiting Rooms, Whatever!” can be great for children to have on hand. Busy books and other activities can also help keep them engaged.
• Calm Down Jars: Create a jar filled with water, glitter, and small objects. Shaking the jar and watching the glitter settle can be a calming activity while waiting.
• Storytelling: Encourage children to make up stories or listen to audiobooks while waiting. This helps pass the time and keeps their minds occupied.
• Activity Stations: Set up different stations with activities that children can move between while waiting. This can include coloring books, puzzles, or simple crafts.
5. Provide Movement Options: For kids who can’t sit still, give them something to move with, like fidgets or chewies. This helps manage their need to move and keeps them from climbing chairs or getting overly restless.
• Fidget Toys: Small, quiet fidget toys like spinners, cubes, or squishy balls can help keep children’s hands busy.
• Sensory Bins: Create a small bin with various tactile objects (e.g., beads, sand, rice) that children can explore with their hands.
• Mini Exercises: Simple exercises like stretching, jumping jacks, or yoga poses can help children burn off excess energy.
• Hand Squeezing: Holding your child’s hands and squeezing them repetitively can provide calming sensory input and create a sense of connection while waiting.
6. Mindfulness and Breathing Exercises: Teach children simple mindfulness and breathing exercises to help them stay calm while waiting. Techniques such as counting breaths, guided imagery, or simple yoga poses can be very effective.
7. Timer Practice: Use a visual timer to help children see how much time is left before their waiting is over. This can help them understand and manage their waiting time better.
8. Interactive Apps and Games: Use educational and interactive apps or games that can help children pass the time while also learning something new.
9. Visual Schedules: Create a visual schedule to help children understand the sequence of events and when their waiting period will end. This can reduce anxiety and help them feel more in control.
10. Role-Playing: Engage in role-playing scenarios where children practice waiting in different situations, such as waiting in line, at a doctor's office, or for their turn in a game. This helps them understand how to handle various waiting scenarios in real life.

Practice, Practice, Practice

The key to teaching waiting is practice. This skill needs to be practiced and mastered outside of high-stress moments. Combining frontloading of expectations (when ABC we will XYZ) with telling kids what to do, instead of what not to do, is one of the best ways to set them up for success. If you tell a child with poor impulse control not to do something, neurologically it can be the same as telling them to do it.

Remember, waiting, like any skill, gets easier with practice. So lace up those metaphorical running shoes and start your training today! 

About Devina: Devina is an autistic occupational therapist with over 17 years of experience working with children, specializing in behavioral regulation and neurodivergence. As both a clinician and a parent, she combines professional expertise with personal experience raising neurodivergent children who previously struggled with behavioral disorders. This unique perspective allows her to bridge the gap between science and real-world application, offering compassionate, evidence-based strategies that empower children to thrive.

Her book, From Surviving to Thriving: The Art and Science of Guiding Children to Develop Behavioral Regulation, provides actionable insights for parents, educators, and professionals looking to support children in building essential self-regulation skills. Available in multiple formats you can find it on Amazon. 

Devina also shares her knowledge through expert-led webinars, where she delivers practical guidance tailored to the needs of caregivers and professionals. Stop by her store to explore her latest resources, workshops, and training sessions designed to help children succeed in their behavioral development journey!