After School Restraint Collapse: Managing After School Meltdowns

One day, my daughter came home from school, dropped her backpack like it was a hot potato, and dramatically flopped onto the couch. With the flair of a seasoned actor, she sighed deeply and declared, "Mom, I used up all my good behavior at school. There's none left for home!"

*This is a completely made up story based on an amalgamation of real events. In reality it looked more like her having a screaming meltdown when trying to do her homework. If only she had the insight and communication skills to tell me she was burnt-out with her words instead of her behavior! It would have been so much easier to know how to help her!*

Ever wondered why your little angel transforms into a mini tornado the moment they step through the door after school?

After-school restraint collapse is when kids, after a long day of holding it together at school, let loose all their pent-up emotions and stress at home. Think of it as their emotional pressure cooker finally releasing steam. This can look like irritability, meltdowns, or just plain exhaustion.

For our neurodivergent kids or those with sensory processing difficulties, this phenomenon can be even more intense. Here’s why:

- Sensory Overload: Bright lights, loud noises, and crowded spaces at school can be overwhelming.

- Social and Cognitive Demands: Navigating social interactions and academic tasks can be mentally draining.

- Masking: Hiding their true selves to fit in takes a lot of effort.

- Routine Disruption: The transition from the structured school environment to home can feel destabilizing.

- Communication Challenges: Extra effort in expressing needs and understanding instructions can be exhausting.

- Social Anxiety: The pressure to conform and interact with peers can be emotionally draining.

Here are some tips to support your child through after-school restraint collapse:

1. Create a Comfortable Space: A calm and cozy spot at home can work wonders.
2. Establish a Routine: Consistency helps in transitioning smoothly from school to home.
3. Offer a Healthy Snack: A nutritious snack can replenish their energy.
4. Allow Downtime: Let them relax and decompress with their favorite activities.
5. Encourage Communication: Create an open space for them to share their feelings.
6. Limit Stimuli: Reduce noise and dim the lights to create a sensory-friendly environment.
7. Provide Hydration: Keep them hydrated to avoid fatigue and irritability.
8. Avoid Overloading with Questions: Give them some space before diving into questions about their day.
9. Respect Personal Space: Allow them autonomy during this transition time.
10. Engage in Relaxing Activities: Reading, drawing, or listening to calming music can help.
11. Gradual Transition: If possible, incorporate a brief break or outdoor time before heading home.
12. Be Attuned to Sensory Needs: Adapt the environment to their sensory preferences. Some children benefit from calming music in the car ride home. Some benefit from heavy metal. Some benefit from silence. Work with your child to determine what they need.
13. Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge their efforts and accomplishments from the school day.
14. Offer a Transitional Object: A comforting item can help them relax.
15. Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that after-school restraint collapse is common and adjust your expectations accordingly.
16. Promote Physical Activity: Light physical activities can help release built-up tension.
17. Coordinate with School: Communicate with teachers to understand any specific challenges.
18. Establish Homework Routine: Create a structured and supportive homework environment incorporating timers and breaks as needed.
19. Involve the Child in Planning: Empower them by involving them in planning their after-school routine.
20. Model Relaxation Techniques: Demonstrate deep breathing or stretching to manage stress.

Remember, you're not alone in this! Every parent experiences these moments, and with a little understanding and a lot of love, we can help our kids navigate their after-school emotions.

About Devina: Devina is an autistic occupational therapist with over 17 years of experience working with children, specializing in behavioral regulation and neurodivergence. As both a clinician and a parent, she combines professional expertise with personal experience raising neurodivergent children who previously struggled with behavioral disorders. This unique perspective allows her to bridge the gap between science and real-world application, offering compassionate, evidence-based strategies that empower children to thrive.

Her book, From Surviving to Thriving: The Art and Science of Guiding Children to Develop Behavioral Regulation, provides actionable insights for parents, educators, and professionals looking to support children in building essential self-regulation skills. Available in multiple formats you can find it on Amazon. 

Devina also shares her knowledge through expert-led webinars, where she delivers practical guidance tailored to the needs of caregivers and professionals. Stop by her store to explore her latest resources, workshops, and training sessions designed to help children succeed in their behavioral development journey!